YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
A blind man walked into a diner and made a strange request to his waiter. He asked if he could have the unwashed fork of the last customer the waiter waited on. The perplexed waiter agreed and handed the blind man the unwashed fork. The blind man proceeded to put it in his mouth and said, "Hmmm, the meatloaf and mashed potatoes are good here. I'll have that."
The next day, the blind man returned to the diner and did the same thing. Now, on the third day, the waiter saw the blind man coming into the diner. He still didn't believe what the blind man was capable of, and he wanted to trick him.
So he quickly grabbed a fork and asked his waitress wife, Jane, to pull down her panties and rub it between her legs.
When the blind man asked for the fork, the waiter gave him the fork with a big smile on his face.
The blind man put it in his mouth, and said, "Hmmm, I didn't know Jane worked here."
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye dog that guided him everywhere.
He walked into the center of the bank floor, took the dog by the chain, and started swinging him around his head.
Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared.
The other customers were taken aback and some were very upset at the way the animal was being treated.
One of the tellers ran up to the blind man and asked, "Sir, what are you doing!?!?"
The man turned toward the teller and said, "Oh, nothing - just looking around."
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went began listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"
The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
A Jewish woman says to her mother, 'I'm divorcing Sheldon! All he wants is anal sex and my asshole is now the size of a 50 cent piece when it used to be the size of a 5 cent piece.'
Mother says 'You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman, you living in an 8 bedroom mansion, you drive a Ferrari, you get $1000 a week allowance, you take 6 vacations a year and you want to throw all that away for 45 cents!'
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
A woman visited her plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift.
Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.' Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. 'All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.'
The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.' She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.'
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
John woke up after the annual office new year party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
'Louise,' he moaned, 'tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?'
'Even worse,' she said, her voice oozing scorn. 'You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.'
'He's an idiot,' John said. 'Piss on him.'
'You did', came the reply. 'And he fired you.'
'Well, screw him!' said John.
'I did. And you're back to work on Monday.'
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
