YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
A couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"
The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse."
He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says goodbye.
The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"
The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare...!
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications.
He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.
Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, PubNight 7.0, and Excuses 5.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).
At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.
I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems.
Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system.
Another thing that sucks -- all versions of Girlfriend continually popup little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0
***** BUG WARNING ********
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.
*** BUG WORK-AROUNDS ***************
To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as Laplink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0.
Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidently be downloaded from the UseNet.
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead(in case u didnt know, blondes are scientifically proven to be the dumbest living beings on earth). The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the rabbit guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.
Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating.
The blonde said, "I had to poop so hard, I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because it's a lot of money!
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office. The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$385,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.
The president was, of course, curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets."
The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"
The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"
The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"
The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?"
"Sure!" replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.
The next morning, at precisely 10 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office.
She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!"
The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.
"Well, Okay," said the president,"$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."
Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"
She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $50,000 that at 10 am today, I'd have the president of the Bank of Canada's balls in my hand."
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
It's 3am, and the man is driving his brand new BMW M3 CSL down the N1 at 240km/h.
He's two minutes away from home when he sees a car on the side of the road, on its roof, and flames all around.
There's no one else in the area, his cell phone reception is dead, so he stops his car.
Sure enough, there's a beautiful woman in the car, but she's bleeding to death.
The guy reckons "screw it" and rushes home to fetch a blanket.
He gets back, wraps her around the blanket and rushes her to the hospital.
Six months she lies in the hospital, and he is with her every day and every night.
He donates blood to keep her alive. Eventually, she recovers fully, and they get married.
Life is cool for a few years, until one day she gets fed up and decides to leave him.
His love for money is obvious, and she feels like a trophy wife.
As she comes down the stairs, struggling with her two suitcases, she reach into her pocket for the keys to the BMW.
Sure enough, he stops her before she reaches the door, and asks "What are you doing?"
"I'm leaving you," she says.
"Oh really, and how are you going to leave? The keys in your hand are for the BMW I paid for.
It's my car. You're not taking it anywhere."
"Fine," she says, and throws the keys at him.
"And those bulging suitcases?The clothes you're wearing? Everything, I've paid for. They are my suitcases and my clothes. You're not taking them any where."
"Fine," she says, and throws the suitcases at him. She strips down completely and throws her clothes at him too.
"And the blood in your body? I sat with you for six months in the hospital. You know half of the blood is mine. You're not going anywhere."She whips out her tampon and says "I'll pay you back in monthly installments."
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX