YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What dear?" She asked gently.
"I think you bring me bad luck."
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow."
The next day the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on - the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explains: "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but, nothing. Then I tried with-my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She - tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She - even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth-out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and-she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
the old man replied, "yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the DARN jar open!"
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck."
The husband continued: "If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you showed up and drank my poison."
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
Cinderella is now nearly 70 years old. After having a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair watching the world go by from her front porch with a cat called Gizmo for companionship.
One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother.
Cinderella said “Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?”
The Fairy Godmother replies “Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3 wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?”
Cinderella is taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish. “I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension.”
Instantly her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned.
Cinderella said “Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!”
The Fairy Godmother replied “It is the least I can do. What is your second wish?”
Cinderella looked down at her frail body and said: “I wish I was young and full of beauty again."
At once, her wish having been desired, became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage had returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years and long forgotten vigour and vitality began to course through her very soul.
Then the Fairy Godmother spoke again “You have one more wish, what shall you have?” Cinderella looked over to Gizmo, who was now quivering in the corner with fear.
“I wish for you to transform my old cat, Gizmo, into a beautiful and handsome young man.” Magically, Gizmo suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biologicial make up, that when he stood before her, he was a boy, so beautiful the like of which she nor the world had ever seen, so fair indeed that birds begun to fall from the sky at his feet.
The Fairy Godmother said “Congratulations Cinderella! Enjoy your new life.” With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone. For a few moments, Gizmo and Cinderella looked into each other’s eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen.
Then Gizmo walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his muscular arms.He leant close to her ear, and into her ear breathed as much as whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath, “I bet you regret having my balls chopped off now, don’t you?”
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
