YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, ''Who is this?''
''This is the maid,'' answers the woman.
''We don't have a maid,'' says the man.
The woman says, ''I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.''
The man says, ''Well, this is her husband. Is she there?''
The woman replies, ''She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.''
The guy is fuming and says to the maid, ''Listen, would you like to make $50,000?''
The maid says, ''What will I have to do?''
The man tells her, ''I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.''
The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, ''What do I do with the bodies?''
The man says, ''Throw them in the swimming pool.''
Puzzled, the maid answers, ''But you don't have a pool.''
A long pause and the man says, ''Is this 567-5309?''
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
Doris and Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a lodger in their terrace house.
After a few days, a young attractive woman applied for the room and explained that she was a model working in a near-by city center studio for a few weeks and that she would like the room from Mondays to Thursdays, but would pay for the whole week.
Doris showed her the house and they agreed to start straight away.
"There's just one problem," explained the model. "Because of my job, I have to have a bath every night, and I notice you don't have a bath."
"That's not a problem," replied Doris. "We have a tin bath out in the yard and we bring it into the living room in front of the fire and fill it with hot water."
"What about your husband? asked the model.
"Oh, he plays darts most weekdays, so he will be out in the evenings," replied Doris.
"Good," said the model. "Now that that's been settled, I'll go to the studio and see you tonight."
That evening, Fred dutifully went to his darts match while Doris prepared the bath for the model. After stripping off, the model stepped into the bath. Doris was amazed to see that she had no pubic hair.
The model noticed Doris' staring eyes, so she smiled and explained that it is part of her job to shave herself, especially when modeling swimmer or underclothes.
Later when Fred returned, Doris related this oddity and he does not believe her.
"It's true, I tell you!" said Doris. "Look, if you don't believe me, tomorrow night I'll leave the curtains slightly open and you can peek in and see for yourself."
The next night, Fred left as usual and Doris prepared the bath for the model. As the model stepped naked into the bath, Doris stood behind her.
Doris looked towards the curtains and pointed towards the model's naked pubic area. Then she lifted up her skirt and wearing no panties, pointed to her own hairy mass.
Later Fred returned and they retired to bed.
"Well, do you believe me now?" she asked Fred.
"Yes, he replied. "I've never seen anything like it in my life. But why did you lift up your skirt and show yourself?"
"Just to show you the difference," answered Doris. "But I guess you've seen me millions of times."
"Yes," said Fred, "I have - but the rest of the dart team hadn't."
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
A guy walks into a bar and orders 6 shooters. The bartender says, "Looks like you are having a bad day."
The guy says, "Am I ever! To start, I woke up late for work. On my way to work I got in an accident. When I got to work I was four hours late, so the boss fired me. Then to top everything off I came home to my wife screwing my best friend."
The bartender says, "What did you say to your wife?"
The guy says, "I told her to get out, and I never want to see her again."
The bartender says, "Then what did you say to your best friend?''
The guy says, ''I said BAD DOG!''
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!"
The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from.
The little girl replied, ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree."
The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties?"
''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl.
The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars. "
The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"
The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."
The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is...................................''
Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy! I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today!''
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out.
They were both very much in favour of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.
At this point they decided to try for 50%.
The husband continued to feel quite well.
Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.
She and her husband were ecstatic.
When the couple got home, the mailman was found lying dead on their porch.
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
YOU JUST GOT PWNED BY XBOX
